As I have given myself and my heart to the vulnerability of this heart posture through the years, many pitfalls and difficulties have arisen along the way, one of the greatest being doubt and disillusionment. Countless times I have felt the sting of desiring the Lord and not experienced any response on His part. Such a double dose of pain has been mine as I have yearned for God deeply, and added to that pain has been a feeling of rejection or remoteness. With this two-fold sting comes the immediate pull toward doubt that always becomes disillusionment over time. We doubt the Lord. We question whether He truly fill the hunger as He promised. We doubt ourselves. When we see no breakthrough, no tangible answer, we assume rejection and think perhaps the Lord has overlooked us and does not answer us do to our failings. When yielded to, these doubts become an immediate soil for the weeds of disillusionment to take root. This is where many sincere hearts-hearts that truly love and long for Jesus –give up in their pursuit of hungering after the Lord, painfully resorting to living at a distance from the One they most love.
One of the most costly aspects of love is the raw heart, open and vulnerable in a place of waiting and remaining unanswered. When we really hunger after God, giving our heart so vulnerably and expectantly to the longing, and contending for God’s fullness in either our personal prayer life or in our circumstance, we know true pain and suffering of soul. Remaining in that struggle, even when seemingly yet unanswered, cannot happen by sheer willpower but by our receiving revelation of Jesus and His purpose for this age.
The revelation that must grow in our hearts is that Jesus is a Bridegroom who has betrothed us to Himself and made a covenant with us (Matt. 26:27-29; 2 Cor. 11:2 ). Just as He told us, He has gone away for a time to prepare a place for us, giving us His Spirit as a guarantee, and He will come again just as He promised (john 14:1-3; 2Cor. 5:4-6) Even now He sits at the right hand of the Father, making intercession for us continually. He has not resorted to some eternal, distant bliss, living in far-off indifference from us. Rather, He continually watches and searches out our every moment, our every word in prayer, our every thought and deed, desiring that we would join Him in the place of yearning and hastening the Day of His second coming (2Peter 3:12). This revelation of Jesus as He is even now keeps our hearts form their bent toward doubting Him. We understand that we are, in fact, joining Him.